>Ten years ago, I graduated high school – ten years ago yesterday to be precise; and ten years ago today I came home from Grad Night at Disneyland, sleepy, and dazed. It hadn’t quite sunk in.
Three years before graduation I had made the choice to go to Santa Susana High, which, at the time, was something of an experiment. It was a brand new school, a magnet school focused on performing arts and technology- every classroom had a computer or two (or three … there were plenty of computers!) and they promised a chance to get our feet wet in the arts. That meant band, dance, choir, and of course theatre, which was what attracted me. I had been bitten by the acting bug at a young age, and I remember the day in Jr. High that I realized theatre was something I could actually participate in, rather than just observe and enjoy. I was on the floor of the gym at Hillside, watching a scene from The Diary of Anne Frank – and someone said something about a drama elective, and I came home an announced that I was going to take that class the next semester! I did a drama workshop through the Simi Cultural Arts center … but I wanted more. When they announced the idea for this new magnet, I was overjoyed! I was bursting at the seams with happiness – and it seemed like all my friends at Jr. High were too. In fact, everyone vowed that they were “totally going” next year. I filled in my application as soon as I possibly could and mailed it off, making the happy announcement at lunch the next day. My friends started to lose their enthusiasm. They started to change their minds. And suddenly, I was the only one going to this new school. Oh my.
My parents told me I could always change my mind, and I thought about it, but I had a feeling it would be good for me. The first day of school was kind of scary, and I kept getting lost. I had a handful of acquaintances, and over the course of that first year I saw myself making new friends, remembering old ones, and making a place for myself at this new school. I was very much involved in theatre, the Drama club, and the Thespian society. Because the school was new we were eased in- the first year we only had grades 8-10, the second grades 9-11, and the third grades 9-12. In my three years there I was always the upperclassman, and it was nice. We set the foundations of the school – we chose the colors, the mascot, and my best friend wrote the alma mater. I really came out of my shell there, I grew as a person, as a friend. I finally found people who thought like I did, and I journaled it all.
Today I was finishing the last of my unpacking. I’ve been in this apartment for almost a month, and in the last of the book boxes I found my collection of journals. My first full volume was dedicated to high school – I actually finished the last page ten years ago today.
“16 June, 1999
Well, tomorrow is it, the big day, and until 5 minutes ago, I was so scared because I had no idea whatsoever about my future and my life. I made dinner tonight and Cathy/Mom was gone, so it was just Dad and I sitting outside, eating. He started talking about how life and growing up wouldn’t be as scary as I though it would be, and then he said something about the flute. Usually this means something I don’t want to hear, but he said how he was in band, and he really like it, but how he knew I didn’t love it like I said I did because of little things, like he had to remind me to practice and all that. He said how I should never keep a job I didn’t like just because of the money, and he really enjoyed his job, that’s what keeps people going. Then he said he knew I had always liked acting and that he knew it was my passion and he was glad he could see that and it made me cry because sometimes I think maybe he doesn’t love me or really care and notice and I was very wrong. I knew today that my dad loved me and it was a really good feeling.”
“18 June, 1999
Well, I graduated last night; now I’m part of the proud alumni at Santa Susana! This last month or so, I’ve started to realize how many people actually cared about me. […] It hasn’t really hit me completely, but it will. […] When we graduated, Mrs. Hauser [our principal] gave each of us a rose, and we were supposed to give it to someone who helped us get through high school alive; so I told Dad what I thought of our talk yesterday and I started crying and everything. He cried too, so I don’t feel too silly. […] I’ve changed so much these past three years. I don’t know what I believe in, but I think there was definitely a reason I came to this school. It was so I could have my “calling” and so I could meet people who mirror me so much I can change all the bad stuff inside me. But most importantly it was so I could finally accept myself and learn what real true love feels like (we’re talking strictly friendship here!). […] So now, I say adieu, but it’s not really the end, it’s just the very beginning!”
Here I am, ten years later. I’m not an actress, but I think everything I learned about myself during that time has made me a better person. I’ve always taken my father’s advice to heart- no matter what you do, do what you love, what you’re passionate about; do what makes you happy … and I’m so glad for it.
